Sometimes I wish my manners went out the window and I could speak what I thought. Or speak what I think moments after the conversation has ended. If I could, lately my responses to people would have sounded something like this....
Yes, I am aware I am larger than a good portion of pregnant women. Yes, I am aware I look like I should be delivering this baby any day now rather than 10 weeks from now. I know I'm overweight and being pregnant just makes me even bigger. No, I don't need you to act so shocked and surprised when I tell you when my due date is. I REALLY don't need you to look me up and down when I tell you said due date and looked surprised again.
If you are going to ask me my due date, when I tell you, respond with congratulations and maybe even a "how exciting!". Please don't remind me that I'm big....I know this...and also know there is not a great deal I can do about this until after this baby comes. Yes I try to watch what I eat a good amount of the time. Yes, I still indulge on treats when they sound good. I am plus size and struggle many days with getting bigger during pregnancy. Please don't look at me like I'm huge.....just smile and tell me congratulations.
February 24, 2015
February 5, 2015
Adjusting To Change
This is not an easy thing for me. At all. I like predictable, consistent, planned, organized. I do well when things go as planned and you actually have time to plan for them. When something happens last minute, is unexpected, or things change a lot, I can struggle.
Case in point? Alan's new job and school schedule. Boy oh boy am I struggling there. Before his job change we worked together-same company, even in the same department. I could send him an IM at any time to chat about.....well, anything. Planning for things, talking about things, etc. Because I had him all day, him going to school 2 days a week afterwards wasn't such a big deal. We had our few hours apart, then he would be home from school around 8:00 or so and we still had a few hours together at night. Since the job change, this is definitely not the case. He still goes to work early, leaving at about 6:20 each morning. His schedule technically is only until 4:00, but for the first 2 months he worked much later.....5-6 at least. And with his new job schedule, he had to take later classes at school. So 2 days a week he leaves at 6:20 and doesn't get home until about 9:20. Which is just enough time for him to eat some food and for us to say goodnight. I. Hate. School. Days. I don't get him during the day, and our time at night seems so limited now. 2 days a week it is nothing, so I feel we're always trying to cram our lives in together during the remaining nights of the week. Of course, in between homework, cooking, cleaning, and family stuff. Full time work and school is rough.
Now, maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but it seems more rough now than it did the first semester he went back. I just miss him. I know it is ALL worth it in the end, it's just hard right now. My whole world right now is focused on baby. Buying baby items, setting them up, decorating, making the house ready for baby, etc. Alan's whole world is figuring out this new job/position and learning as much as he can in school. I'm sure he wishes I would be more interested in his job/school, and I wish at times he were more interested in getting ready for baby. I guess it wouldn't be good though if we were both only focused on baby.....the rest of our lives might fall apart then. :)
And speaking of change....I am not sure I'm dealing w/my body changes with pregnancy as well as I should be! Now.....I understand I'm pregnant and my body IS going to change. I just don't think I was prepared fully for that and how I would feel. By the end of the day my ankles and calves are huge and swollen. They just look fat. I can see the weight gain in my face now too. I am walking around ALL day just trying not to pee (seriously.....wth?!), I'm out of breath much more quickly, and sitting on the ground to do something is getting super uncomfortable. Oh, and let's not forget the increase in acne. So many changes and so little I can do about many of them. I guess on the bright side I found out coconut oil is a life-saver with stretch marks. Since I started using it my stretch marks have actually gotten better. Wahoo! :) But how do I handle all the rest??? Alan is sooo sweet and keeps reminding me it's the baby getting bigger, not really me. And he also reminds me that at the end of all this we get a sweet little boy to love and care for, which was what we wanted. And yes, that is so true....ALL of this is totally worth the end result, I do not doubt that. I just worry about my self-esteem getting to the end result. I may become a hermit during the last few months to avoid having to get ready and looking in a mirror! (ok, not really.........but maybe sometimes. Being home in comfy pants feels so much better)
Ok......so after all the complaining I feel I should end with something positive. My life really is great. It's amazing and wonderful and a dream come true. Alan and I are so blessed, and we recognize this each and every day. I may struggle w/the things I mentioned above, but do remind myself of how wonderful life is too. Some days are just harder than others in remembering the good. I've been taking lots of bubble baths to try to help keep me calm and relaxed :) So far they still do the trick and I sleep well at the end of the day. :)
Case in point? Alan's new job and school schedule. Boy oh boy am I struggling there. Before his job change we worked together-same company, even in the same department. I could send him an IM at any time to chat about.....well, anything. Planning for things, talking about things, etc. Because I had him all day, him going to school 2 days a week afterwards wasn't such a big deal. We had our few hours apart, then he would be home from school around 8:00 or so and we still had a few hours together at night. Since the job change, this is definitely not the case. He still goes to work early, leaving at about 6:20 each morning. His schedule technically is only until 4:00, but for the first 2 months he worked much later.....5-6 at least. And with his new job schedule, he had to take later classes at school. So 2 days a week he leaves at 6:20 and doesn't get home until about 9:20. Which is just enough time for him to eat some food and for us to say goodnight. I. Hate. School. Days. I don't get him during the day, and our time at night seems so limited now. 2 days a week it is nothing, so I feel we're always trying to cram our lives in together during the remaining nights of the week. Of course, in between homework, cooking, cleaning, and family stuff. Full time work and school is rough.
Now, maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but it seems more rough now than it did the first semester he went back. I just miss him. I know it is ALL worth it in the end, it's just hard right now. My whole world right now is focused on baby. Buying baby items, setting them up, decorating, making the house ready for baby, etc. Alan's whole world is figuring out this new job/position and learning as much as he can in school. I'm sure he wishes I would be more interested in his job/school, and I wish at times he were more interested in getting ready for baby. I guess it wouldn't be good though if we were both only focused on baby.....the rest of our lives might fall apart then. :)
And speaking of change....I am not sure I'm dealing w/my body changes with pregnancy as well as I should be! Now.....I understand I'm pregnant and my body IS going to change. I just don't think I was prepared fully for that and how I would feel. By the end of the day my ankles and calves are huge and swollen. They just look fat. I can see the weight gain in my face now too. I am walking around ALL day just trying not to pee (seriously.....wth?!), I'm out of breath much more quickly, and sitting on the ground to do something is getting super uncomfortable. Oh, and let's not forget the increase in acne. So many changes and so little I can do about many of them. I guess on the bright side I found out coconut oil is a life-saver with stretch marks. Since I started using it my stretch marks have actually gotten better. Wahoo! :) But how do I handle all the rest??? Alan is sooo sweet and keeps reminding me it's the baby getting bigger, not really me. And he also reminds me that at the end of all this we get a sweet little boy to love and care for, which was what we wanted. And yes, that is so true....ALL of this is totally worth the end result, I do not doubt that. I just worry about my self-esteem getting to the end result. I may become a hermit during the last few months to avoid having to get ready and looking in a mirror! (ok, not really.........but maybe sometimes. Being home in comfy pants feels so much better)
Ok......so after all the complaining I feel I should end with something positive. My life really is great. It's amazing and wonderful and a dream come true. Alan and I are so blessed, and we recognize this each and every day. I may struggle w/the things I mentioned above, but do remind myself of how wonderful life is too. Some days are just harder than others in remembering the good. I've been taking lots of bubble baths to try to help keep me calm and relaxed :) So far they still do the trick and I sleep well at the end of the day. :)
February 3, 2015
2014 In Review
Alan and I were talking a week or so ago about how crazy, busy, and amazing our year was in 2014. There was so many big moments in our life that we will never forget. So here is a quick recap :)
January 20th - We got engaged. It was beautiful, unique, a surprise to me, and absolutely perfect.
Feb-May - These months consisted of LOTS of planning and budgeting. We planned like crazy for the wedding. I made all of our centerpieces by myself. My and my Aunt Marva made our flower girl baskets and card box. There was dress shopping with all my favorite people, dress fittings with my aunts and sis-in-law CJ. There were engagement pictures. Bridal pictures. Planning a baby shower for my brothers (now) fiance, Andrea. There were family birthday parties and dinners. Every single weekend was packed full of 'to-do' items during these months. Every. Single. Weekend. But I wouldn't trade ANY of it!
June: We got married!!! The wedding was prefaced with a paintballing bachelor party for Alan with family and friends and they enjoyed some Buffalo Wild Wings afterwards. All came home with bruises, luckily all disappeared by wedding day. :) We had a girls night and a bridal shower for me; what a lucky girl I am! We watched Pitch Perfect, ate food, and did facials w/the girls in my family for girls night. My bridal shower was a dream come true with a theme of Happily Ever After, which is very fitting. It was decorated so beautifully, food served so beautifully as well, and I got to spend time with those I love most. Then the night before our wedding we got to celebrate with our families by having a rehearsal dinner of sorts (not really a rehearsal, but more of a get-to-know-you dinner). Alan's parents hosted this and provided much of the food. We held it at a church pavillion and the weather was wonderful. We ate BBQ meat, salads, desserts, drinks.....yum! Our families got along well and we all headed home early to get ready for the big day! Then our big day arrived! After a sleepless night for me and Alan, we woke up and started to get ready. My amazing Aunt Marva surprised me (with help from Alan) by showing up to make me breakfast. Made me cry. She is wonderful and amazing and thoughtful and kind, and the list goes on. So much more than an aunt and more of a mom to me. Breakfast was delicious, and she even cooked for Alan's parent's who were staying with us. Then family showed up to help drive decorations over to the library (where we got married). Such great family we have! Alan's sister showed up to by my right-hand that morning and get me to the library. Our day went perfect. Perfect, I tell you. We left our reception that night at 9:00, headed home to change and switch cars, then we were off to Midway for 2 nights. We spent our first 2 nights as a married couple in Midway, did some shopping in Park City, and generally just relaxed. We headed home the Sunday after the wedding (we got married on a Friday) and packed for our honeymoon. We opened wedding presents too :) Monday morning, bright and early, we headed for the airport. We flew to California and later hopped on our cruise ship headed to the Mexican Riviera. What an amazing honeymoon we had :) We layed in the sun, fell asleep in the sun, sat in the hot tub, explored the marina on a peddle boat, had a tour of Ensenada before cooking a meal with a restaurant chef, and shopping in the streets for souvenirs. We watched comedy shows on the cruise ship, ate way too much food, took naps, met new friends and enjoyed each and every second!
July: No rest for us! We got home from our honeymoon and started to look for new places to live; we needed more room and a change. I also finished getting a baby shower together w/my family and we had one heck of a shower for Andrea! We did a Cute As A Button theme and it turned out sooo cute! We decorated onesies, played games, ate food, and got to celebrate a new little guy joining our family.
August: Alan and I found a place to move very quickly! Our landlords at the time were gracious and let us out of our contract a month early. We paid double rent for 2 weeks to hold the new place (ouch). We started moving on August 15th. Our nephew Dawson was born on the 21st (pics below are the maternity pics I got to take for them!). We finished moving w/all the big stuff on August 23rd. Alan started school the next Monday on the 25th. On the 27th I found out I was pregnant. :) I told Alan on the 27th too. We began to settle in to our new house.
September: Alan was busy with school and work. I was busy with work. We were still in shock that we were going to have a baby! Excited and nervous took their turns with how we felt. We planned out how we would tell our families and friends. I had my first dr appt and Alan came with. We got to do an ultrasound and see our little frog (Alan thought it looked like a frog) :) We got to hear the heartbeat. It was confirmed, we were going to be parents. We tried to hide my morning sickness from the family. We tried to be very careful about what we said and did to keep it a secret until we were ready.
October: We got to tell our families we were expecting! What a great few days as we reached out to everyone! I struggled with morning sickness and the changes already coming with my body. Alan heard me when I said I needed a break away from everything and surprised me with a little vacation to Park City. We shopped, relaxed, ate an amazing dinner (and expensive), saw a show, slept in. It was wonderful. He is an amazing husband. We celebrated Halloween and my birthday. We got to see our adorable little nieces all dressed up and they drew me pics for my birthday. We got to visit with family, laugh, and enjoy.
November: Alan stayed busy with school, and also accepted a new job for a new company. He was promoted to an Operations Manager when he accepted this position. We found out our little bundle of joy was a little boy! I cried, Alan nearly did cartwheels. After 2 days I was excited as well though :) We celebrated Thanksgiving with my aunts and uncle and by some miracle they convinced me to do Black Friday shopping. We ate too much food, celebrated my cousin's birthday, and went home happy. We bought our first big piece of furniture together...an entertainment center. It is beautiful.
December: Alan started his new job and I struggled for the first 2 weeks with not having him close to me at work. Alan has been working crazy hours already. He had his finals for his first semester of school and of course aced them. He is so smart. :) We got a 3 week break together with no school. It was wonderful! We celebrated Alan's birthday (kinda.....he was sick). I surprised him with a basket full of his favorite treats and balloons at his new office. We bought and put together our crib. We bought our stroller/carseat combo as well as a swing. (Ok, those might have been in November, but I can't recall now). We also purchased our dresser for the nursery. I convinced Alan after months and months that it was ok to have 2 car payments, and he finally gave in and we got me a new car on the 20th! We celebrated Christmas with my siblings and their spouses with a game night and way too much food. So much fun :) We took some time off work and drove to Idaho to celebrate Christmas with Alan's family.....we relaxed, napped, Alan played in the snow with his nephew's, we played games, opened presents, ate yummy food, drove to Pocatello for some errands, and came home one happy couple. :) We spent New Years Eve with Alan's siblings that live here in Utah by playing games, watching a movie, and half of us falling asleep by 11:30. :) There was an attempt at 11:59 when we woke up to open and pour some sparking cider, but it just didn't work. haha! We said Happy New Year, cleaned up our food mess, and off to bed we all went.
We had one heck of a year that will never be forgotten! Engaged, married, honeymoon, moving, getting pregnant, new car, new job. Wow!! We survived all of these big events and are happier than ever :) We are looking forward to what this new year will bring! (And apparently I need to do better at taking pictures for all of our events!)
January 20th - We got engaged. It was beautiful, unique, a surprise to me, and absolutely perfect.
Feb-May - These months consisted of LOTS of planning and budgeting. We planned like crazy for the wedding. I made all of our centerpieces by myself. My and my Aunt Marva made our flower girl baskets and card box. There was dress shopping with all my favorite people, dress fittings with my aunts and sis-in-law CJ. There were engagement pictures. Bridal pictures. Planning a baby shower for my brothers (now) fiance, Andrea. There were family birthday parties and dinners. Every single weekend was packed full of 'to-do' items during these months. Every. Single. Weekend. But I wouldn't trade ANY of it!
June: We got married!!! The wedding was prefaced with a paintballing bachelor party for Alan with family and friends and they enjoyed some Buffalo Wild Wings afterwards. All came home with bruises, luckily all disappeared by wedding day. :) We had a girls night and a bridal shower for me; what a lucky girl I am! We watched Pitch Perfect, ate food, and did facials w/the girls in my family for girls night. My bridal shower was a dream come true with a theme of Happily Ever After, which is very fitting. It was decorated so beautifully, food served so beautifully as well, and I got to spend time with those I love most. Then the night before our wedding we got to celebrate with our families by having a rehearsal dinner of sorts (not really a rehearsal, but more of a get-to-know-you dinner). Alan's parents hosted this and provided much of the food. We held it at a church pavillion and the weather was wonderful. We ate BBQ meat, salads, desserts, drinks.....yum! Our families got along well and we all headed home early to get ready for the big day! Then our big day arrived! After a sleepless night for me and Alan, we woke up and started to get ready. My amazing Aunt Marva surprised me (with help from Alan) by showing up to make me breakfast. Made me cry. She is wonderful and amazing and thoughtful and kind, and the list goes on. So much more than an aunt and more of a mom to me. Breakfast was delicious, and she even cooked for Alan's parent's who were staying with us. Then family showed up to help drive decorations over to the library (where we got married). Such great family we have! Alan's sister showed up to by my right-hand that morning and get me to the library. Our day went perfect. Perfect, I tell you. We left our reception that night at 9:00, headed home to change and switch cars, then we were off to Midway for 2 nights. We spent our first 2 nights as a married couple in Midway, did some shopping in Park City, and generally just relaxed. We headed home the Sunday after the wedding (we got married on a Friday) and packed for our honeymoon. We opened wedding presents too :) Monday morning, bright and early, we headed for the airport. We flew to California and later hopped on our cruise ship headed to the Mexican Riviera. What an amazing honeymoon we had :) We layed in the sun, fell asleep in the sun, sat in the hot tub, explored the marina on a peddle boat, had a tour of Ensenada before cooking a meal with a restaurant chef, and shopping in the streets for souvenirs. We watched comedy shows on the cruise ship, ate way too much food, took naps, met new friends and enjoyed each and every second!
July: No rest for us! We got home from our honeymoon and started to look for new places to live; we needed more room and a change. I also finished getting a baby shower together w/my family and we had one heck of a shower for Andrea! We did a Cute As A Button theme and it turned out sooo cute! We decorated onesies, played games, ate food, and got to celebrate a new little guy joining our family.
August: Alan and I found a place to move very quickly! Our landlords at the time were gracious and let us out of our contract a month early. We paid double rent for 2 weeks to hold the new place (ouch). We started moving on August 15th. Our nephew Dawson was born on the 21st (pics below are the maternity pics I got to take for them!). We finished moving w/all the big stuff on August 23rd. Alan started school the next Monday on the 25th. On the 27th I found out I was pregnant. :) I told Alan on the 27th too. We began to settle in to our new house.
September: Alan was busy with school and work. I was busy with work. We were still in shock that we were going to have a baby! Excited and nervous took their turns with how we felt. We planned out how we would tell our families and friends. I had my first dr appt and Alan came with. We got to do an ultrasound and see our little frog (Alan thought it looked like a frog) :) We got to hear the heartbeat. It was confirmed, we were going to be parents. We tried to hide my morning sickness from the family. We tried to be very careful about what we said and did to keep it a secret until we were ready.
October: We got to tell our families we were expecting! What a great few days as we reached out to everyone! I struggled with morning sickness and the changes already coming with my body. Alan heard me when I said I needed a break away from everything and surprised me with a little vacation to Park City. We shopped, relaxed, ate an amazing dinner (and expensive), saw a show, slept in. It was wonderful. He is an amazing husband. We celebrated Halloween and my birthday. We got to see our adorable little nieces all dressed up and they drew me pics for my birthday. We got to visit with family, laugh, and enjoy.
November: Alan stayed busy with school, and also accepted a new job for a new company. He was promoted to an Operations Manager when he accepted this position. We found out our little bundle of joy was a little boy! I cried, Alan nearly did cartwheels. After 2 days I was excited as well though :) We celebrated Thanksgiving with my aunts and uncle and by some miracle they convinced me to do Black Friday shopping. We ate too much food, celebrated my cousin's birthday, and went home happy. We bought our first big piece of furniture together...an entertainment center. It is beautiful.
December: Alan started his new job and I struggled for the first 2 weeks with not having him close to me at work. Alan has been working crazy hours already. He had his finals for his first semester of school and of course aced them. He is so smart. :) We got a 3 week break together with no school. It was wonderful! We celebrated Alan's birthday (kinda.....he was sick). I surprised him with a basket full of his favorite treats and balloons at his new office. We bought and put together our crib. We bought our stroller/carseat combo as well as a swing. (Ok, those might have been in November, but I can't recall now). We also purchased our dresser for the nursery. I convinced Alan after months and months that it was ok to have 2 car payments, and he finally gave in and we got me a new car on the 20th! We celebrated Christmas with my siblings and their spouses with a game night and way too much food. So much fun :) We took some time off work and drove to Idaho to celebrate Christmas with Alan's family.....we relaxed, napped, Alan played in the snow with his nephew's, we played games, opened presents, ate yummy food, drove to Pocatello for some errands, and came home one happy couple. :) We spent New Years Eve with Alan's siblings that live here in Utah by playing games, watching a movie, and half of us falling asleep by 11:30. :) There was an attempt at 11:59 when we woke up to open and pour some sparking cider, but it just didn't work. haha! We said Happy New Year, cleaned up our food mess, and off to bed we all went.
We had one heck of a year that will never be forgotten! Engaged, married, honeymoon, moving, getting pregnant, new car, new job. Wow!! We survived all of these big events and are happier than ever :) We are looking forward to what this new year will bring! (And apparently I need to do better at taking pictures for all of our events!)
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