This is not an easy thing for me. At all. I like predictable, consistent, planned, organized. I do well when things go as planned and you actually have time to plan for them. When something happens last minute, is unexpected, or things change a lot, I can struggle.
Case in point? Alan's new job and school schedule. Boy oh boy am I struggling there. Before his job change we worked together-same company, even in the same department. I could send him an IM at any time to chat about.....well, anything. Planning for things, talking about things, etc. Because I had him all day, him going to school 2 days a week afterwards wasn't such a big deal. We had our few hours apart, then he would be home from school around 8:00 or so and we still had a few hours together at night. Since the job change, this is definitely not the case. He still goes to work early, leaving at about 6:20 each morning. His schedule technically is only until 4:00, but for the first 2 months he worked much later.....5-6 at least. And with his new job schedule, he had to take later classes at school. So 2 days a week he leaves at 6:20 and doesn't get home until about 9:20. Which is just enough time for him to eat some food and for us to say goodnight. I. Hate. School. Days. I don't get him during the day, and our time at night seems so limited now. 2 days a week it is nothing, so I feel we're always trying to cram our lives in together during the remaining nights of the week. Of course, in between homework, cooking, cleaning, and family stuff. Full time work and school is rough.
Now, maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but it seems more rough now than it did the first semester he went back. I just miss him. I know it is ALL worth it in the end, it's just hard right now. My whole world right now is focused on baby. Buying baby items, setting them up, decorating, making the house ready for baby, etc. Alan's whole world is figuring out this new job/position and learning as much as he can in school. I'm sure he wishes I would be more interested in his job/school, and I wish at times he were more interested in getting ready for baby. I guess it wouldn't be good though if we were both only focused on baby.....the rest of our lives might fall apart then. :)
And speaking of change....I am not sure I'm dealing w/my body changes with pregnancy as well as I should be! Now.....I understand I'm pregnant and my body IS going to change. I just don't think I was prepared fully for that and how I would feel. By the end of the day my ankles and calves are huge and swollen. They just look fat. I can see the weight gain in my face now too. I am walking around ALL day just trying not to pee (seriously.....wth?!), I'm out of breath much more quickly, and sitting on the ground to do something is getting super uncomfortable. Oh, and let's not forget the increase in acne. So many changes and so little I can do about many of them. I guess on the bright side I found out coconut oil is a life-saver with stretch marks. Since I started using it my stretch marks have actually gotten better. Wahoo! :) But how do I handle all the rest??? Alan is sooo sweet and keeps reminding me it's the baby getting bigger, not really me. And he also reminds me that at the end of all this we get a sweet little boy to love and care for, which was what we wanted. And yes, that is so true....ALL of this is totally worth the end result, I do not doubt that. I just worry about my self-esteem getting to the end result. I may become a hermit during the last few months to avoid having to get ready and looking in a mirror! (ok, not really.........but maybe sometimes. Being home in comfy pants feels so much better)
Ok......so after all the complaining I feel I should end with something positive. My life really is great. It's amazing and wonderful and a dream come true. Alan and I are so blessed, and we recognize this each and every day. I may struggle w/the things I mentioned above, but do remind myself of how wonderful life is too. Some days are just harder than others in remembering the good. I've been taking lots of bubble baths to try to help keep me calm and relaxed :) So far they still do the trick and I sleep well at the end of the day. :)
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